How iPress on through De-Press-I-On (Depression)

I'm sure that at least one time in your life, you have experienced being wronged. I mean REALLY being wronged. You feel that the person somehow should pay for what they’ve done or AT THE VERY LEAST apologize for it. Right? Well if you haven't, I have!  I was recently asked how did I get past the feeling of "YOU MUST PAY"!  Now let me be transparent.  I definitely went through moments of thinking of ways they should pay and the satisfaction I would get out of it. I questioned God. "Why do they get to go on with their lives? Why do they get to prosper after doing this to me? Why do they get to...blah blah blah?" I expressed that I didn't think it was fair.  After all, I was hurt, talked about, embarrassed, felt like a failure, etc. Eventually, God said, " I know how this made you feel but you survived".  At first, I felt "Really God? But I survive? Yeah, Barely sir" After some prayer, ok a great deal of prayer, I realize that I was lo...

So here is my confession. A few years ago, I did not consider myself to have many friends. None really. However,  I  established several "brother/sister" relationships throughout my life. I now know why some were established(some for reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime). To call someone brother or sister vs friend gave me...license not to expect much. Let me explain. Brothers and sisters aren't necessarily friends they're siblings because thy "have to be". There's no commitment/ requirements it "just IS". I  have always done my best to live by the rule/ scripture "do unto others...". I have found, more often than I care to admit, that that isn't a rule everyone follows. This has caused me much hurt, embarrassment and has caused me to build up a defense wall. I have since learned, through my growth and a little therapy, that I do that to protect myself from being hurt.  What I was doing was hurting myself because I w...

Have you ever been going about your everyday life and out of the blue all hell seems to break loose? It may be one thing or it can be a combination of events that just come and bombard your emotions or your life. The kids are screaming, the baby is crying, the boss is yelling, the cat wont' come in.  Sometimes it can be something as simple as all fo the milk being gone RIGHT when you want a bowl of cereal. There is a link between depression and suicide.  If you are someone that is fighting depression, it is very easy to want to mask it from your friends and family, but don't.  It's important that you let them know the struggle that you you are fighting so they can help you fight.  They can be our eyes and ears.  We all know our friends and family and we may notice certain mood changes or triggers.  Not that you have to "police" or "babysit", but be mindful of their behavior.  We should be mindful of how our friends and loved ones are behaving especial...

Have you ever been frustrated? I mean just frustrated with being frustrated? Bills are more the income, one step forward 3 steps back, can't win for losing? I looked up the word frustrated and one of the definitions was:  the act of preventing the success of something : the act of frustrating something. Pretty much how I feel at this moment. Frustrated, with life, my situation, myself. I am learning some of the hints that triggers my depression. At least by identifying those things I can work offensively so I can work ahead so it doesn't consume me. One of my biggest triggers I have found is my finances(or lack thereof). I've always considered myself a good hard worker, team player, creative mind, etc. It seems that no matter how hard I work, how much time I put in, how dedicated I am, I just can't get ahead. I have worked hard in every area in my life, completed my MA.Ed, yet still only working making pennies.  WHAT IS THE PROBLEM??? Well, I am still a believer that Go...

Throughout your life, have you ever wanted to do something, or gotten the unction or directive from God to do something but didn't/couldn't do it because of fear? Well I have. There are some things that God has called me to do that I haven't done. Not for lack of obedience or faith but because of fear. Yesterday I was reminded that FEAR and FAITH CANNOT coexist. It's like having two trains on the same track traveling on opposite directions. Eventually the two will collide. No matter how I/we wrap it up in a nice package and say "oh I have faith in God but idk about this", if we fear we don't faith.  At the end of the day, without faith it's impossible to please God. If we fear, we aren't having faith. TRUST me, I get it. Stepping out on something new, unknown can be frightening. We don't know the outcome. But if we trust God and have FAITH in HIS guidance how can we fail? If we allow fear to stagnate us or prevent us from reaching out dreams, w...

Through my journey in this thing called life, various situations and circumstances have caused those that have watched my walk and my faith tell me, "you were born for this! You're Ford Tough". Well being "Ford though was a common slogan for the Ford F series trucks back in the day and even still today. Recently some events have occurred that may knock the "ordinary" person to their breaking point, especially if they have had issues with depression in the past like I have.  Well, today I was reminded again that I was "built for this". Idk about you but I have asked God before "WHY sir do I have to be THIS strong? Why do I have to endure and endure and ENDURE some more"?  So I decided to look at how they came up with the slogan "Ford tough". (Hey, since folks are using it to reference me, I should know what they're talking about right?) Well, this is what I found Ford Truck. A Ford marketing manager Stated that  "Toughn...

So I was driving home from work today and noticed some birds flying.  I saw some birds that were in a group and then I saw a different type of bird  but there were only 2.  I watched these 2 sets of birds for a while.  I noticed that the smaller bird(there were about 6-8 of them) they would fly and flap their wings, lose altitude and flap their wings and fly more.  This was an ongoing process. All this time the other birds were just soaring, allowing the wind to do the work for them, never flapping or losing altitude.  I began to look at these 2 birds without a care in the world. Not worrying about where they would live, what they would eat, what they're going to wear to work tomorrow.  They were soaring high, chillin, relaxed.  At that moment I said "Maaaan the life of the bird.  It should be that easy. No stressing no worrying, just going where the wind takes you".  At that moment God told me " It can be that simple if you give it al...

This post I'm just sharing my feelings. I have a cousin, well technically we aren't blood related but blood could not make us closer. Our parents grew up, met their spouses, married, lived in the same neighborhood and raised families together. Most of my good memories involved her. We went to church, played, sleep overs, vacations, got in trouble, etc together. Well my cousin has been battling cancer for a bit. Nonetheless she has a positive attitude. Sure she has her days, who wouldn't, but overall she would bring encouragement to us in her faith of healing. This past week the dr gas her news that the cancer has entered her blood. This news has shaken her a bit. She has a husband and children that she is literally fighting to live for.  I believe that even though the dr says one thing about her diagnosis that God can turn it around. This is what I need from you. I need you to pray for my cousin Angie. Pray not only that God completely heals her, but that she is encouraged ...

As I looked at my "Timehop" I saw a post I  wrote a year ago. The post was written as I watched the news, specifically the weather. It made me think, how many of us plan our day, waredrobe, etc around what the weatherman "predicts"? He says "a chance of rain" we take our umbrella. He says, "1-3 inches of snow" we wear boots. Even if when we look outside and there is NO sign of what the weatherman has predicted, we believe and carry out our day accordingly. What if we had the same faith in God, his promises and his word as we do the weatherman. Would we believe that "by his stripes we are healed" even when the dr report says differently? Will we believe that when we're in trouble "God will part the heavens and come down and grab hold of us" when we are in trouble regardless if there APPEARS to be no way out? Will we believe? When we look at our situations, bills, finances, life, and what we see doesn't match what God ha...

HELP!!!! The dictionary defines this word  as:   transitive verb 1 : to give assistance or support to 2 a   : to make more pleasant or bearable  : improve ,  relieve .  Such a small 4 letter word, yet so powerful. Sometimes asking for help is difficult for many reasons. The person that needs help may not want to be a burden or bring anyone else down.  Perhaps pride is the reason one doesn't ask for help. I myself have difficulty asking for help especially when I am having depressive feelings. Seriously!!! Who wants to hear "everytime I turn around stuff goes wrong". "I can never get ahead or catch a break"? No one! And most people who feel that way, that deal with depression, don't want their "bad vibes" to rub off on anyone else. Sometimes you just suck it up smile, get through the day until you find yourself cracking and crying tears that never seem to come to an end. The more you think positive thoughts, the more 7 negative thoughts or situation...

So we are in the last month of the year.  Everything in you may be saying "Look. It's already the end of the year and we haven't accomplished ANYTHING... AGAIN this year".  Don't take on that attitude. We must realize that it is never to late to "Live the Dream" but first we have to plant it! How do you plant a dream?  Well first you need a seed.  You don't pick it, but it is given it to you. You were born with it.  In order for your dream to grow where you can see it and touch it, dirt is needed.  Now while your seed is in the dirt, you won't be able to see it with your natural eye because of all the dirt, BUT your seed IS still there.  What kind of dirt is used?  It may be dirt people throw on you, it may be misfortune, or heartache, but regardless the dirt is necessary. Next you will need water.  The water may come from the tears that you cry from some of your test and trails, or the gratitude tears that flow from your face.  Agai...

During the holiday season CAN be partiularly tough for those that battle depression.  You have the beautiful commercials with the handsome man proposing to the woman with a beautiful diamond ring and here you are feeling like you can't even buy a date.  You see the man open the box with keys to a luxury car for Christmas and you can barely afford your new bus pass. You may see the families on TV all loving and smiling and here you are... AGAIN.... ANOTHER holiday... alone.  Well here is something my pastor Dr Trunell Felder reminder us of.  When we look at TV, it doesn't matter if its a commercial or movie and everyone is looking like they have the perfect life, the perfect story, the happy ending.  We must remember that ALL the individuals on telvision are ACTORS.  They are ACTING like they're happy, in love, have it all together, etc.  During this holiday season, in the past has been the WORST. I would cry, have negative thoughts, etc.  Welp, th...

Many times we want to go through life and everyone wants to live a "comfortable" life.  We want to have a job that we are "comfortable" with, friends that we are "comfortable" enough to be ourselves with. We want our beds, our clothes, and sometimes even our destiny and call in life to be comfortable.  Well I have been that person most of my life.  I went to school but did not follow my passion because I needed to have a job that secure so I would be....(you got it) comfortable. Well what I am learning, through this process called life, is that sometimes, life isn't meant for us to be comfortable.  We have to learn to listen to that still voice(the good one, not the bad one) that says to try something new, to follow a dream, to take a risk.  Choosing to go down this road will probably be uncomfortable. We may fall and we may fall hard but I am a believer that when God gives us dreams and visions, and we put his SUPER with our NATURAL that he can give u...

Have you ever stopped to think about who you are? Not the YOU that you want to be, use to be or others want you to be but YOU right now at THIS moment? Think about it. I'm sure right now that you are pointing out all of the negative the imperfections, etc. STOP!!!! Think about how God made you.   No one is perfect but God.   Yes! We are to look to improve myself/life, as we should, but we should NEVER try to be someone that we weren't created to be. We must love God, then love the God that is IN us. I  think John Ledgend said it best love your "perfect imperfections".  I am learning to like, love and appreciate ME...Monica... Monie in the Middle!!!! I am grateful that God made me as he did. The entire loving, caring, silly, comical, inspirational, insecure(at times), thick, talented,anointed, size 16, creative, beautiful(inside and out),dedicated, and much, MUCH more parts of ME.   JUST AS I AM!!! ALL my curves and ALL my edges!! ALL my PERFECT imperfe...

This is a simple post to remind everyone to smile. Smile through the pain, hurt, disappointment SMILE!!! No matter how dark it may seem, no matter how hopeless you feel, find a reason to smile. Find a way to press through the feeling and emotions of THAT moment that is weighing you down. Think of a good memory, sing a song, dance like no one is watching. So today, remember there's always something to smile about. 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2 NIV). This was my morning scripture. I've read it for years and thought I had a pretty good handle on it but after my journey this past year with dealing with depression, I have an even better understanding. See, here's the thing. Depression starts and stays in the mind. It wasn't until I got help and got centered in Christ that I was able to start the healing process. I changed my focus (granted it continues to be an internal fight). I focused on the problem solver vs the problem (the bills, the low self esteem, the issues, the loneliness, etc).  See if ALL I do is focus on what's wrong, I can't see and appreciate the things that are right.  Truth be told if I focus on those things that ARE right( my gifts, talents, loved ones, blessing, etc) I won't have muc...

Ever been in a situation were you feel like you're doing all you know to but "life" still isn't "working" out? I mean your trust God and put in the work(tithing,offerings,active in ministry, faithful) and STILL life keeps giving you that old Mike Tyson 1,2 punch? You bless others, encourage others, and you STILL lack. At this point you want to throw in the towel, cause after all, what's the point right? I mean wants the point of grinding every day if you STILL can't make ends meet? What's the point if you still are unhappy and alone? I mean why continue on? You have no money, fewer friends that support you, and you are alone, you've fasted, prayed, worked and still nothing so WHY GO ON RIGHT???? WRONG!!! You go on because at the end of the day, someone DOES love you, God! I know it doesn't always feel,seem, or look like it, but he does. When we are at our lowest, our brokest( yep made it up), our weakest, we must TRUST that God didn't...

I sometimes have moments that I feel the insecurities, doubts, etc creeping up withing me. My mind begins to replay all the bad things that have happened in my past, and even in my present. This starts me to start to doubt my future. Feeling that it will always be this way. No good thing will come my way. Blah blah Whaaa Whaaa. I have now learned that in THESE moments I rely on Gods truth for my life vs what the past replays or my eyes see. Whatever truth we decide to recite and/or replay is the truth we walk into Depression in some ways can be similar to being an addict. Until YOU decide that YOU are tired of being sick and tired of being depressed, you will continue to be depressed. It's is a daily fight of conscious decisions of healing that will make life a bit easier. We have to be conscious and intentional with our thoughts and feelings.  When negative feelings come we must recognize them and check those suckas at the door. The more we entertain them the more those thoughts s...

Last night was a tough night. Some memory triggers and life situations started to allow that ugly spirit of depression to come and knock on my door. I quickly made myself aware of what was happening and prayed to God that he would not allow the spirit to take over so I could sleep. He did just that. When I woke up, a variety of circumstance told everything in me to stay in bed, nothing will get better, life sucks now and always will. I literally got up, changed pajamas and got BACK in the bed. Who does that? I stayed in bed for a while until... Until I/ME/SHE/HER heard a small voice within say "NO!!! We WILL NOT allow this funky, no good for nothing spirit to control us". I got up(again), got dressed and went to the gym. Oh that first 10 minites was tough. I wasn't sure if I could complete the goal I set. I tried to stay focused and before I knew it, my workout was over and I rewarded myself with 10 minutes in the steamroom. I said all of that to say. Sometimes we have to...

So, first off I apologize for the missed days. OK... on to business. Those that suffer from depression know and understand that sometimes living while fighting depression can seem a bit like a roller coaster ride.  There are highs that are high and lows that are low.  There are unexpected twist and turn and big drops out of the blue.  Well, I am glad to say that at this moment I am riding high.  There were a few moments this week that I felt "The D" trying to roll up on me, but I was determined to PRESS past it.  When I wanted to cancel plans I didn't.  I kept all scheduled plans and you know what? I had a BLAST.  I had the opportunity this week to attend a big work event where I put on my genuine "happy face".  I met several clients that actually gave me a boost by telling me what a pleasure it's been working with me over the past NBA/ NHL season.  Next, it was time to celebrate my sister-girlfriends birthday(the same one I shared a post abo...