How iPress on through De-Press-I-On (Depression)

HELP!!!! The dictionary defines this word  as:   transitive verb 1 : to give assistance or support to 2 a   : to make more pleasant or bearable  : improve ,  relieve .  Such a small 4 letter word, yet so powerful. Sometimes asking for help is difficult for many reasons. The person that needs help may not want to be a burden or bring anyone else down.  Perhaps pride is the reason one doesn't ask for help. I myself have difficulty asking for help especially when I am having depressive feelings. Seriously!!! Who wants to hear "everytime I turn around stuff goes wrong". "I can never get ahead or catch a break"? No one! And most people who feel that way, that deal with depression, don't want their "bad vibes" to rub off on anyone else. Sometimes you just suck it up smile, get through the day until you find yourself cracking and crying tears that never seem to come to an end. The more you think positive thoughts, the more 7 negative thoughts or situation...

So we are in the last month of the year.  Everything in you may be saying "Look. It's already the end of the year and we haven't accomplished ANYTHING... AGAIN this year".  Don't take on that attitude. We must realize that it is never to late to "Live the Dream" but first we have to plant it! How do you plant a dream?  Well first you need a seed.  You don't pick it, but it is given it to you. You were born with it.  In order for your dream to grow where you can see it and touch it, dirt is needed.  Now while your seed is in the dirt, you won't be able to see it with your natural eye because of all the dirt, BUT your seed IS still there.  What kind of dirt is used?  It may be dirt people throw on you, it may be misfortune, or heartache, but regardless the dirt is necessary. Next you will need water.  The water may come from the tears that you cry from some of your test and trails, or the gratitude tears that flow from your face.  Agai...

During the holiday season CAN be partiularly tough for those that battle depression.  You have the beautiful commercials with the handsome man proposing to the woman with a beautiful diamond ring and here you are feeling like you can't even buy a date.  You see the man open the box with keys to a luxury car for Christmas and you can barely afford your new bus pass. You may see the families on TV all loving and smiling and here you are... AGAIN.... ANOTHER holiday... alone.  Well here is something my pastor Dr Trunell Felder reminder us of.  When we look at TV, it doesn't matter if its a commercial or movie and everyone is looking like they have the perfect life, the perfect story, the happy ending.  We must remember that ALL the individuals on telvision are ACTORS.  They are ACTING like they're happy, in love, have it all together, etc.  During this holiday season, in the past has been the WORST. I would cry, have negative thoughts, etc.  Welp, th...

Many times we want to go through life and everyone wants to live a "comfortable" life.  We want to have a job that we are "comfortable" with, friends that we are "comfortable" enough to be ourselves with. We want our beds, our clothes, and sometimes even our destiny and call in life to be comfortable.  Well I have been that person most of my life.  I went to school but did not follow my passion because I needed to have a job that secure so I would be....(you got it) comfortable. Well what I am learning, through this process called life, is that sometimes, life isn't meant for us to be comfortable.  We have to learn to listen to that still voice(the good one, not the bad one) that says to try something new, to follow a dream, to take a risk.  Choosing to go down this road will probably be uncomfortable. We may fall and we may fall hard but I am a believer that when God gives us dreams and visions, and we put his SUPER with our NATURAL that he can give u...

Have you ever stopped to think about who you are? Not the YOU that you want to be, use to be or others want you to be but YOU right now at THIS moment? Think about it. I'm sure right now that you are pointing out all of the negative the imperfections, etc. STOP!!!! Think about how God made you.   No one is perfect but God.   Yes! We are to look to improve myself/life, as we should, but we should NEVER try to be someone that we weren't created to be. We must love God, then love the God that is IN us. I  think John Ledgend said it best love your "perfect imperfections".  I am learning to like, love and appreciate ME...Monica... Monie in the Middle!!!! I am grateful that God made me as he did. The entire loving, caring, silly, comical, inspirational, insecure(at times), thick, talented,anointed, size 16, creative, beautiful(inside and out),dedicated, and much, MUCH more parts of ME.   JUST AS I AM!!! ALL my curves and ALL my edges!! ALL my PERFECT imperfe...

This is a simple post to remind everyone to smile. Smile through the pain, hurt, disappointment SMILE!!! No matter how dark it may seem, no matter how hopeless you feel, find a reason to smile. Find a way to press through the feeling and emotions of THAT moment that is weighing you down. Think of a good memory, sing a song, dance like no one is watching. So today, remember there's always something to smile about. 

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2 NIV). This was my morning scripture. I've read it for years and thought I had a pretty good handle on it but after my journey this past year with dealing with depression, I have an even better understanding. See, here's the thing. Depression starts and stays in the mind. It wasn't until I got help and got centered in Christ that I was able to start the healing process. I changed my focus (granted it continues to be an internal fight). I focused on the problem solver vs the problem (the bills, the low self esteem, the issues, the loneliness, etc).  See if ALL I do is focus on what's wrong, I can't see and appreciate the things that are right.  Truth be told if I focus on those things that ARE right( my gifts, talents, loved ones, blessing, etc) I won't have muc...

Ever been in a situation were you feel like you're doing all you know to but "life" still isn't "working" out? I mean your trust God and put in the work(tithing,offerings,active in ministry, faithful) and STILL life keeps giving you that old Mike Tyson 1,2 punch? You bless others, encourage others, and you STILL lack. At this point you want to throw in the towel, cause after all, what's the point right? I mean wants the point of grinding every day if you STILL can't make ends meet? What's the point if you still are unhappy and alone? I mean why continue on? You have no money, fewer friends that support you, and you are alone, you've fasted, prayed, worked and still nothing so WHY GO ON RIGHT???? WRONG!!! You go on because at the end of the day, someone DOES love you, God! I know it doesn't always feel,seem, or look like it, but he does. When we are at our lowest, our brokest( yep made it up), our weakest, we must TRUST that God didn't...

I sometimes have moments that I feel the insecurities, doubts, etc creeping up withing me. My mind begins to replay all the bad things that have happened in my past, and even in my present. This starts me to start to doubt my future. Feeling that it will always be this way. No good thing will come my way. Blah blah Whaaa Whaaa. I have now learned that in THESE moments I rely on Gods truth for my life vs what the past replays or my eyes see. Whatever truth we decide to recite and/or replay is the truth we walk into Depression in some ways can be similar to being an addict. Until YOU decide that YOU are tired of being sick and tired of being depressed, you will continue to be depressed. It's is a daily fight of conscious decisions of healing that will make life a bit easier. We have to be conscious and intentional with our thoughts and feelings.  When negative feelings come we must recognize them and check those suckas at the door. The more we entertain them the more those thoughts s...

Last night was a tough night. Some memory triggers and life situations started to allow that ugly spirit of depression to come and knock on my door. I quickly made myself aware of what was happening and prayed to God that he would not allow the spirit to take over so I could sleep. He did just that. When I woke up, a variety of circumstance told everything in me to stay in bed, nothing will get better, life sucks now and always will. I literally got up, changed pajamas and got BACK in the bed. Who does that? I stayed in bed for a while until... Until I/ME/SHE/HER heard a small voice within say "NO!!! We WILL NOT allow this funky, no good for nothing spirit to control us". I got up(again), got dressed and went to the gym. Oh that first 10 minites was tough. I wasn't sure if I could complete the goal I set. I tried to stay focused and before I knew it, my workout was over and I rewarded myself with 10 minutes in the steamroom. I said all of that to say. Sometimes we have to...

So, first off I apologize for the missed days. OK... on to business. Those that suffer from depression know and understand that sometimes living while fighting depression can seem a bit like a roller coaster ride.  There are highs that are high and lows that are low.  There are unexpected twist and turn and big drops out of the blue.  Well, I am glad to say that at this moment I am riding high.  There were a few moments this week that I felt "The D" trying to roll up on me, but I was determined to PRESS past it.  When I wanted to cancel plans I didn't.  I kept all scheduled plans and you know what? I had a BLAST.  I had the opportunity this week to attend a big work event where I put on my genuine "happy face".  I met several clients that actually gave me a boost by telling me what a pleasure it's been working with me over the past NBA/ NHL season.  Next, it was time to celebrate my sister-girlfriends birthday(the same one I shared a post abo...

I am doing my entry for the day a little earlier than normal.  God did have me to start this site to heal myself and others, and I did know that it would require some… ok, ok  a great deal of transparency on my part, so here it goes.  On yesterday I just finished saying how I felt in a very good place right? How I felt better than I have in a long time.  After all I had a great weekend and everything.  Welp, wouldn't you know it that today I log on to FB only to discover that the last guy I dated, not really that long ago mind you, (wait for it) got MARRIED.  You heard me correctly, as I looked at the picture, I found myself holding back tears of pain. "Married?? How could he be married to someone else"? Of course at that moment all types of feelings started to come to my mind.  I quickly knew this WAS NOT a road that I wanted to go down so I hit one of my “break in case of emergency” buttons.  I hit up my lil bro and told him how I was feeling....

Do the best that you can with what you've got. It may be a little, may be a lot. Regardless of the measure, we are all blessed with SOMETHING. The key is not to worry about what someone else has. If we constantly measure ourselves to others we may feel that we always fall short. When really we only know what people allow us to know. For instance, you may see a woman that is beautiful, with a georgeous husband, big house, expensive car. That same woman may have tons of weave, makeup covering up bruises from being abused from her hunk of a man. The point, live out YOUR destiny not someone else's. Be tue to God, yourself and those that love you. Seek and use he gifts and talents God gave YOU! Follow YOUR dreams and reach YOUR goals! What are YOU working with? Work it!

Today, I took a major step in healing.  I owned my thoughts and perception.  When I started to realize that I was not in a good place (a happy place, slipping into depression) I started to step away from the people I usually hung around.  One friend in particular is seriously like a burst of sunshine, she always sees the positive and she is beautiful both inside and out.  I shut her out. I made excuses for not attending events, outings etc all because I didn't want to bring her, or anyone else, down with my issues.  Today, I came clean with her on why I have been so distant and shared with her some of my healing process.  I felt such a relief doing that. She didn't judge me, she built me up, told me how proud she was of me and how glad she was that I was "on my way back". She also shared with me that she loved me and is ALWAYS here for me and for me to always remember that.  See, in my mind I had my own idea of how she would have perceived me, judged m...

As we look n the world today, there seems to be little compassion for one another. "It's all about me! I'm looking out for number one!" Etc. I look at the bible to see it read to "love thy neighbor as thyself". It may appear that people aren't keeping his commandment, but what I'm learning is that many people ARE loving their neighbor as they love themselves. The issue is people don't really love themselves because they don't or can't see who God made them to be. They suffer from low self esteem, low self worth, self respect etc so HOW can they give that to someone else? If we really want to make a change? We need to start with ourselves, the man in the mirror. We need to start seeing ourselves with God's eyes, as HE sees us, as HE created us. Fall in love with YOU!!!! Perhaps then we can properly learn to love thy neighbor. 

Today was interesting. Woke up feeling quite blah, with tons of engagements (wedding, party, church) to attend. I attempted to fix my hair and everything just looked wrong. I felt nothing looked good so I didn't go. Next stop a party( with some people I have et seen for a while). Trying again to tame the hair to fail. I said "just forget it I'm not going". I decided to press and go to the event because it was something important for my friend. A friend that I have shut out in my struggle.   So I went, feeling a mess. I smiled and giggled and still felt a tad out of place, just because I've envisaged out on so much of my friends life I was out of the loop. I realized at that moment also that some things were about perspective. She NEVER shut me out, I shut her out instead of just sharing what was going on with me. Anywho, I left there to go to church (where I was scheduled to sing. I prayed the whole way to hutch "lord please help me shake his feeling"! E...

This morning I was feeling pretty bad, upset, helpless. As I checked my bank balance after I made my sons rent payment yesterday, only to see my account overdrawn after an automatic payment for my life insurance (I forgot about) was taken out this morning. I slowly walked up the stairs and slide down the slide to "why me" lane as I continued to prepare for work and figuring out what I was going to wear. When I handed my train ticket to the conductor he asked if I would like for him to toss my ticket (as he had just punched my last ride) I told him I thought I had one more, which I didn't. I thought GREAT. I have no more rides on the ticket, no money in my account, and only $6 in my pocket as I looked out the window to see a many hand his freshly washed clothes on the fence to dry. As I rode on the bus thinking " how will I ever make it until next payday(NEXT Friday) with $6". I've done all that I know I can do. I tithe, I've done what you've asked, s...

Today I pray against the spiriting depression! I pray that fir every negative thought, God replaces them with 5 positive, building, encouraging thoughts. I pray that when the spirit of loneliness creeps up, you feel Gods spirit of love. I pray that when the spirit of defeat creeps in, God overwhelms you with the spirit and the fighting warrior! I pray that when you feel like no one loves or appreciates you, god reminds you that I do. Sometime we may not get the love appreciation as WE would like but if we take THAT moment to think about how God feels we we don't love and appreciate him, our worries don't seem that significant.

Start Making It Liveable  (For your) Everyday Start finding ways to heal. Prayer and meditation will give the opportunity to release all that troubles you and ease your mind.  Smile through the pain Sing in the rain Find a way to make your day a little brighter Find a way to make your burdens a little lighter (Smile) when you can't seem to find your way (Smile) it'll make for a better day (Just smile) when you feel you can't make it through  (Smile) I'm telling you what to do just smile!!! Smile!! Oh smile 

This post will be short and sweet.  This weekend do your best to get up, get out, and do something. It doesn't matter if all you do is meet a friend for coffee or a walk, going to dinner, or just hanging out with some friends.  If you've been in a dark place and can feel yourself slipping reach out to someone that is close to you and share your thoughts and feelings with them. Ask them to pray with and for you. JUST DO SOMETHING! We all know that sitting around and allowing the feelings of depression to linger, will only make it worse. You have the fight in you, and if you feel like you don't, trust in a friend and especially God.  WE can not heal ourselves. We can do the work, but we need the help of God and a support system as well.  Enjoy your weekend and feel free to share your journey with me hear or email me at monicalynese@gmail.com.

The recent death of Robin Williams has increased the awareness of depression.  Who would have thought that Robin Williams, the man that brought so many of us laughter, would be depressed? Actually, if you look at a setting, the person who is "the life of the party", the funniest often times may be suffering from depression.  When I am not "in my hole(as I call it)", and I bring myself to socialize and interact, in someways, I become a different person.  It's somewhat like therapy,(which is probably why I love to act so much). At that moment I have NO worries, No cares, and believe it or not, I get relief by making others smile and laugh and have a good time.  Often what I dish out, is what I GREATLY need myself.  When I "love on others" by sending text, making calls etc just to say "I love you", "I appreciate you", that is generally what I am in need of.  I can NOW admit that I need love, I desire love. Real love, TRUE love.  Not ju...

As I logged on to FB today my sis Elise  posted "I Choose" a song by India Arie.  The lyrics are quite powerful. The song discusses that life has brought "some painful things I thought that I would never make it through. Filled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoes....but by the grace of God I've been given so many second chances but TODAY I decided to let it all go. I'm dropping these bags, I'm making room for MY JOY". When fighting depression, it is a constant CHOICE that we have to make.  We can decide to let it consume us OR to PRESS through it.  It may not always be easy.  Many times it just feels easier to roll over and give little to no effort. To continue to feel hopeless, helpless, etc.  But TODAY I urge and encourage you to look at the opportunities ahead of you.  Ignoring the past (you can't change it anyhow), live your life for YOU(through God). I know the feeling of defeat and this fight of depression but I beli...

As I reflected on how it is important for those of us that suffer from depression to interact with others, I looked back at my journal and would like to share an entry:  " I decided to suck it up and go listen to Maurice and Keith play at MVie.  I really thought I would go to the restaurant, sit in the back corner, write, and listen to music.( I was hoping to go in and while I wanted my friends to see that I was there to support them, I really just wanted to be invisible)  As I entered the restaurant, I walked in to be greeted by a room FULL of people.  My heart started racing and I had to breathe and clam myself down and smile and converse with several people. After the set, I was still a bit anxious so I got in the car, opened the roof, let down the windows and drove down Lake Shore until it ended".  I am not sure how many of you have ever had that overwhelming feeling. Many times the steps that we need to take to heal are some of the toughest things for us to...

My first real memory of realizing that I was not "ok" was while I was in a relationship that was spiraling into a terrible place.  That was the first time that I considered "checking out". The pain of the situation and betrayal became overwhelming.  I mentally blacked out and was told by a friend that saw me, I was walking towards the highway that was near my home. She called out to me and when I didn't respond she came and got me and asked what I was doing.  At that moment I "came back" and the pain came back, as I just cried and cried.  My friend then walked me home where I sat, on the floor, crying out to God. Questioning WHY. Why me? Why this? Why? Why? Why?  At that moment God spoke to me and asked "Why not you? You're strong enough, I built you for this".  Personally this is one of my biggest disagreements with God. Lbvs. I frequently ask him "Why did you make me so strong to take on all of this mess? Sometimes I just want to b...

Today I attended a memorial service for my sisterfriend, Tonya Webb-Montgomery.  She had a loving spirit outgoing personality and a smile that could light up any room.  She battled lupus for some years, yet through her journey she worked to fight the illness as well as make all she knew and loved (even some she didn't know) healthier and happier.  SHE is a major reason that I started this blog. She taught me that things get tough but fight through it and fight with a smile and "poppin" lip gloss(inside joke Tonya ALWAYS rocked her MAC lip gloss). LOL. Sometimes we find that life strikes blows that eventually make us feel that we are in hopeless situations, that there's no resolve or that we are fragile.  We must breathe deep and remember that no matter how fragile we are, we can still work, study to find to find your triggers, and trust God. There is a song by Tasha Page Lockhart that is awesome.  It discusses the realness of being fragile and having questions f...

As I sit and write my first blog, I am a bit nervous. I was raised in church, still very involved, and have a relationship with God.  That did not stop me from being depressed.  I found myself letting the weight of the world become too much. At one point I did not think(or even want to) go on. I knew these emotions, etc were not from God yet they continued to come and became stronger and stronger. I withdrew from friends but knew oh so well how to slap my "happy girl, life of the party, little Miss Sunshine" face on, when I HAD to be around others, so no one would be clued in to my secret. Little did they know that when I would them,smiling, joking, and laughing, I would get in my car, drive home, and feel MISERABLE, feeling that my family would be better off without me, that I didn't matter.  I know most Christians would say, "you should have just gotten in your word and prayed" but I didn't have the strength at THAT moment.  We, especially in the Black com...